The next story I’m about to post has been sitting half-finished in my WordPress queue for quite a while. Since April 23rd, Earth Day, to be exact. Which was the theme of said story written to fulfill my goal of writing a short story for every holiday of the year. Another goal of which I’ve fallen short…but am still determined to complete, regardless of how crazy it’ll make me look. So! In addition to the Earth Day story, you can expect to see stories based on the following past holidays:
- Mother’s Day
- Victoria Day
- Cinco de Mayo
- Friday the 13th (not really a holiday, I know)
- Canada Day
Of course, I’m not even going to think of writing a single one until I finish The Bitches. Which I’ll hopefully do before any more holidays pile up on me.
How a man can sing that high without having his junk tightly in someone’s grasp is beyond me.
But that’s not the point. I posted this video because – my penchant for old-school R&B aside – I want to demonstrate that I have reasons for why I ain’t posted shit in almost three fucking weeks.
…’cept some of these reasons are personal. Which means I can’t explain everything. So, maybe I’d be better off saying that I have legitimate reasons, instead of the usual excuses. Sure, procrastination was a little bit of a factor, but I’d say less than 5% of the issue. Because believe me, I itched to write. I yearned to write. I just didn’t have the time to do so. There were other things I had to attend to that were of a higher priority than writing. My writing is, after all, my first love, so that tells you how important those other things were.
And that’s when things started getting out of control. So I started taking some over-the-counter caffeine pills to keep me alert so I could deal with all the things I had to do, including fulfill my part as one-third of the group The Hot Fudge Sundaes which included my high-school chums, Lisa Tuttle and Kelly Kapowski, and ace all my exams so I could get into Stanford. But the pills just made things worse; made me terribly hyper, but I didn’t stop. Not even when my boyfriend, A.C. Slater – who, by the way, has the most fabulous dimples and of course, the hottest mullet at Bayside High – discovered the caffeine pills in my backpack after I promised him I’d stop taking them. I didn’t realize I had a problem until I fell asleep the night of my big audition and my best friend, Zack Morris, woke me up, after which I went beserk, screaming that I never had time to do anything. Then when Zack told me it was too late to go to the audition I told him I was fine and started singing The Pointer Sister’s “I’m So Excited” off-key and at the top of my lungs but I guess the drugs were still affecting me, because instead of “excited” I said “scared” and dissolved into hysterical tears. But then Zack hugged me and told me that I’d get through it, referencing a time when we’d snuck out to see E.T. when we were kids and I was scared we wouldn’t make it back without getting caught but we got through it so I could get through my addiction to “Revive it with Vivarin.” And I did! So much so that I moved on to an off-off-Broadway show in Vegas (?) where I showed my tittays, licked a pole, made out with Gina Gershon and had the most bizarre sex scene evah with Kyle McLaughlin.
That – sorta – explains the lack of posts. But there’s also the changed template. Overall, I must’ve changed it about sixteen times, but in the past month: at least three. So I settled for the default template until I figured I’d find one that tickled my fancy, which obviously hasn’t happened, because I decided that – at least for now, because I’m terribly fickle – the simplicity of the current one puts the focus on my words without any distractions, design wise, which at the end of the day is the most important thing of all.
And now for some pre-emptive explaining: if you’ve cruised my blog before, you may have noticed that I write a story for every holiday/occasion. Sometimes, said stories get published late, but nevertheless, they get completed. But my last story was an exception: it was a Good Friday story that I actually posted on GOOD FRIDAY. But Good Friday was also Earth Day, and I intended to post a story about that. I swear! I’m halfway through it. But that’s exactly the moment I got busy.
So let’s tally up all the late-in-the-game holiday stories I have yet to post:
- Earth Day
- Mother’s Day
- (and as of tomorrow) Friday the 13th
But I can’t post them quite yet; they’re gonna be later than late. You know why? ‘Cause I still gotta finish The Bitches.
GAAAAH fuck it, I’m going back on those goddamned caffeine pills.
“Well EXCUSE ME for having enormous personal flaws that I refuse to work on!”- Homer Simpson.
Let’s tally up the list, shall we?
- When I started this blog, I said I wouldn’t procrastinate. Then I did.
- I said I was going to enter some contests I found in The Canadian Writer’s Market – but I didn’t.
- I said I’d write one story per week. HA!
- I said that the next story I wrote would be based on advice (not an exercise or spark word) from The Writer’s Block. Didn’t do it.
- I said I was going to complete NaNoWriMo. Something tells me you already know the answer to that one.
- I said a whole lot of other crap, too.
- Which brings us to the latest, in which I said I’d enter the Toronto Star Short Story Contest. Well guess what? Yoooou’ve got it!
I guess you can say I have a pattern. And it’s not pretty.
Actually, that’s not true. My pattern still sucks bit I deviated from it just a tad. While I failed to enter the contest once again, I did finish the story, which I mentioned in a previous post.
…I[am going to] work on a Family-Day themed story. I now have a holiday category, as I have decided to write a story for each holiday. (Sorry for insulting your intelligence; I know that was pretty self-explanatory.) But much like the other two stories in there so far, it’s going to be written and published after the fact. Also, it’ll incorporate one of the exercises from The Writer’s Block…
I would have posted it even if I hadn’t entered the contest – even though I said I wouldn’t. You see? Again with the lack of DOING WHAT I SAID I’D DO.
Anyway, I still find at least a little comfort in the fact that I finished yet another story (despite its GIANT plot holes). As I’ve said before, I’m the QUEEN of starting but not finishing stories. Hell, in the past if I’d known I wasn’t going to make the contest deadline, I MOST DEF wouldn’t have finished the story. So I’m still halfway there but have a long way to go when it comes to following through. But thanks to this blog, I’m really beginning to learn this lesson, although I feel like I should’ve learned it a long time ago. Is it harder to execute than it seems or am I just lazy? Bad habits may be hard to break but that doesn’t mean they can’t be broken. Like I said – I finished the story, and of course, the other ones on this blog, so I’m making progress. But now it’s time to take the next step.
Speaking of my most recent short story, I’ve mentioned that it was based on a spark word exercise from The Writer’s Block. I’ve also mentioned, in a previous post, that it’s the first Writer’s Block exercise I’ve done in ages. So I’ve found a solution for this – which will mean that Lord Help The Sister That Comes Between Me And My Mister will be the last one from The Writer’s Block. Details to come…when they come. Don’t want to make any more promises that I won’t keep!
And NOW I’ve started getting ideas – lots of them – for short stories not related to the exercises in The Writer’s Block.
Despite all of that, I DO intend to complete The Writer’s Block (it’s just going to take a little longer). So, as you can see, I’ve made a page exclusively for this purpose: to separate it from the rest of the crap on this blog.
Hopefully, I’ll get back to this project one of these days because, as I said, I have a LOT of short stories I want to write, and I want to write them right away. Lately fiction has been absent on my blog and I would like to change that.
This also means that I once again have to (ok, I don’t HAVE to, I just WANT to) push my novella to February. (Please click the goddamned link ‘cos I’m too lazy to explain the sordid history of this).
Also, please don’t lecture me on my inability to follow through. Because I am very aware of that. Plus, my mother already
berated scolded mentioned that she was disappointed that I’ve postponed (I have not stopped) working on it. I started to make excuses, then stopped and listened to her because my new thing is to not make lame-ass excuses.
She told me that I was like a was a wasp…and I swear I was listening, but I don’t quite remember what she meant when she said that. I think it was something about wasps and when they do whatever they do when they’re working, they go from one project to another without finishing the one before it. Unlike the bees, who stick to a project until it’s complete. (Which is weird that I’m not like the bees, because my name means honeybee in Greek and I have a bee tattooed on my left calf).
After my mother’s analogy, I responded in a most mature fashion: I told her that I was NOT a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. She shook her head, and the conversation was over.
The road to an idle blog is paved with good intentions.
No, I haven’t gone religious. Considering I may have just committed sacrilege with the above, which is a vague mash-up of two oft-used expressions to describe the sin of sloth.
Sloth is my middle name.
And sloth has led me to abandon my blog for a full two weeks and fail to complete NaNoWriMo.
This time I have no excuse: I’ve been procrastinating. Well, that’s partly it; self-doubt has also crept in. And I don’t know why, seeing that I’ve written so much on this blog, but the fact of the matter is that it’s there. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop, it means I just have to push myself a little harder.
Besides, I’m a little more inspired now. The author of the hi-LARIOUS site, Four Minutes Older , has participated in NaNoWriMo for at least three years with spoofs of the highly popular series Sweet Valley High. (For those who are asking “What’s Sweet Valley High?”, KILL YO’SELF….I mean….here ya go.) You can call it the anti-fan fiction, as the stories parody the ridiculous plots, characters and situations that has made the series infinitely popular.
Anyway, if you click on the link to the site, you will see that the author is not only posting the word count; she’s posting the story as she writes it! She’s always done it this way, but it’s just occurred to me that I could do it to (hence the hideously heinous subtitle of this post.)
But seriously: I think it’s brilliant. Because I’m already posting my progress every day, it will motivate me to write everyday. And, most importantly, it will deter me from going back to what I’ve written and fixing it. So that’s what I’m going to do from now on.
For another great site that snarks on Sweet Valley High, try The Dairi Burger. Her latest posts are sporadic as she is no longer actively working on the blog, but as she has sarcastically summarized every Sweet Valley High book (plus the Super Thrillers) for about three years or so, there’s a lot to read and laugh about. Oh, and she snarks on other YA books as well.
Both blogs are now on my blogroll. Enjoy!!
I had a lot of stories I wanted to post this week, but for once I wasn’t able to because of procrastination: I’ve been legitimately too busy to. And now NaNoWriMo is upon me, so my posting – at least for the month of November – will be sporadic at best.
Who knows – I may have time to post a story or two, but I’d really rather concentrate on the contest in my continuing quest to FOLLOW THROUGH. (I should really make those words a tag). EDIT – I just did!