UPDATE: Bee Author – my second blog – is now called “The Writer’s Block Project“. Not very creative, but it’s actually one of the names I came up with when I didn’t know what to call this blog. And believe it or not, I’ve been even worse at updating that blog than I am at this one – the last time I did so was the date I started it, which was March 12th. And that involved cutting and pasting all the “Writer’s Block” exercises from here to there. If I’m confusing you, click your way on over here to learn more.
Original post, dated March 12, 2011:
In a recent post, I wrote that I had a solution for the lack of Writer’s Block exercises that have appeared on this blog of late:
Speaking of my most recent short story, I’ve mentioned that it was based on a spark word exercise from The Writer’s Block. I’ve also mentioned, in a previous post, that it’s the first Writer’s Block exercise I’ve done in ages. So I’ve found a solution for this – which will mean that Lord Help The Sister That Comes Between Me And My Mister will be the last one from The Writer’s Block. Details to come…when they come. Don’t want to make any more promises that I won’t keep!
Well, here it is!
(Please note that I followed through in a timely manner for once. Yay me!)
And now! Physical proof that I really AM working on The Bitches Part 10:
How a man can sing that high without having his junk tightly in someone’s grasp is beyond me.
But that’s not the point. I posted this video because – my penchant for old-school R&B aside – I want to demonstrate that I have reasons for why I ain’t posted shit in almost three fucking weeks.
…’cept some of these reasons are personal. Which means I can’t explain everything. So, maybe I’d be better off saying that I have legitimate reasons, instead of the usual excuses. Sure, procrastination was a little bit of a factor, but I’d say less than 5% of the issue. Because believe me, I itched to write. I yearned to write. I just didn’t have the time to do so. There were other things I had to attend to that were of a higher priority than writing. My writing is, after all, my first love, so that tells you how important those other things were.
And that’s when things started getting out of control. So I started taking some over-the-counter caffeine pills to keep me alert so I could deal with all the things I had to do, including fulfill my part as one-third of the group The Hot Fudge Sundaes which included my high-school chums, Lisa Tuttle and Kelly Kapowski, and ace all my exams so I could get into Stanford. But the pills just made things worse; made me terribly hyper, but I didn’t stop. Not even when my boyfriend, A.C. Slater – who, by the way, has the most fabulous dimples and of course, the hottest mullet at Bayside High – discovered the caffeine pills in my backpack after I promised him I’d stop taking them. I didn’t realize I had a problem until I fell asleep the night of my big audition and my best friend, Zack Morris, woke me up, after which I went beserk, screaming that I never had time to do anything. Then when Zack told me it was too late to go to the audition I told him I was fine and started singing The Pointer Sister’s “I’m So Excited” off-key and at the top of my lungs but I guess the drugs were still affecting me, because instead of “excited” I said “scared” and dissolved into hysterical tears. But then Zack hugged me and told me that I’d get through it, referencing a time when we’d snuck out to see E.T. when we were kids and I was scared we wouldn’t make it back without getting caught but we got through it so I could get through my addiction to “Revive it with Vivarin.” And I did! So much so that I moved on to an off-off-Broadway show in Vegas (?) where I showed my tittays, licked a pole, made out with Gina Gershon and had the most bizarre sex scene evah with Kyle McLaughlin.
That – sorta – explains the lack of posts. But there’s also the changed template. Overall, I must’ve changed it about sixteen times, but in the past month: at least three. So I settled for the default template until I figured I’d find one that tickled my fancy, which obviously hasn’t happened, because I decided that – at least for now, because I’m terribly fickle – the simplicity of the current one puts the focus on my words without any distractions, design wise, which at the end of the day is the most important thing of all.
And now for some pre-emptive explaining: if you’ve cruised my blog before, you may have noticed that I write a story for every holiday/occasion. Sometimes, said stories get published late, but nevertheless, they get completed. But my last story was an exception: it was a Good Friday story that I actually posted on GOOD FRIDAY. But Good Friday was also Earth Day, and I intended to post a story about that. I swear! I’m halfway through it. But that’s exactly the moment I got busy.
So let’s tally up all the late-in-the-game holiday stories I have yet to post:
- Earth Day
- Mother’s Day
- (and as of tomorrow) Friday the 13th
But I can’t post them quite yet; they’re gonna be later than late. You know why? ‘Cause I still gotta finish The Bitches.
GAAAAH fuck it, I’m going back on those goddamned caffeine pills.