Curse of The Avid Reader Card: MAKE IT STOP.

Break out a human-sized rock, because you’re going to want to live under it to avoid hearing any more about The Book That Won’t Go Away [Celebuzz]

Failing that, why not try capitalizing by selling merchandise based on The Book That Won’t Go Away? [Huff Post Style Canada] [The Gloss]

If you shoot yourself after reading this, don’t blame me…blame The Book That Won’t Go Away [The Daily Mail Online]

I’m really certain you will shoot yourself after reading this. Obviously, I’m the last person who would advocate book burning, but for The Book That Won’t Go Away, I will make an exception [Huff Post Books Canada]

As if Twilight hasn’t ruined enough lives already, it’s where The Book That Won’t Go Away got its roots [The Wall Street Journal]

The guy who wrote American Psycho wrote about torture, now he’s out to torture himself, because he really really really wants to write the script for the movie based on The Book That Won’t Go Away [The Hollywood Reporter]

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Dear Reality Show Contestants


I am a unapologetic TV junkie whose preferences include trashy reality shows, some of them competitive, the genre in particular to which this applies. Please retire the following phrases:

“I didn’t come here to lose/I came here to win.”

“I didn’t come here to make friends.”

“I need to bring it/Step up my A-game.”

“This is a competition.”

“I’m here for my mom/dad/kids/cat/acupuncturist.”

Exploiting Explaining some sob story a tragic background, i.e.  “I lost both my legs in an accident/lived in my car for ten years/missed out on pre-sale Justin Bieber tickets.”

Stop it. Stop it right now.

Love,

Prosey.


This Is Why The Phrase “Reading Is Fundamental” Was Invented.

The following is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Let’s say someone comments on a blog whose topic features a well-known name, for example – maybe a celebrity’s, political candidate’s or the one of prominent societal figure. And even though said name is clearly mentioned in said article SEVERAL times, for some reason, possibly a severe brain hemorrhage in between finishing the article and filling out the “comment here” field, that someone manages to horribly misspell that name. Or, in this case, put down an entirely different name.

And it’s not just in this one example I’m about to show you. I could tell you about many that I’ve seen in my years as an internet junkie, but I don’t wanna bore you with my troubles. (How did I manage to get through 180+ posts without quoting Stevie Wonder?!) I came across this incidence in particular whilst reading The Frisky, a pop culture blog that you may or may not have heard of. Well it’s certainly more popular than my blog, but there’s probably blogs about cats coughing up cat hair and paint drying that’s more popular than mine. The post featured an episode of Anderson Cooper’s eponymous talk show, where a woman is married to herself, or something. As you can see, Cooper’s name is mentioned at least once in the article. Aside from that, Anderson Cooper is a prominent, world-renowned journalist, so you’d kinda have to be living under a rock not to know who he is. So, then why this?

I’m even being nice here, neglecting to mention the lack of punctuation, the Selective Capitals and the use of “Humanitarian Reporter”, because I don’t even know what that is. Oh waitI did mention the other stuff. Anyway – who the hell is Carson? Did they mix him up with Johnny Carson, who is more than 40 years older and, um, dead? Or Carson Daly?!

Because they could be twins.

Nah. Better luck next time…”OK”. Nice screen name, by the by.


“Let’s Not Get Bogged Down By Semantics.” -UPDATED; Now With Video!

Actually, I AM going to get bogged down semantics. I just posted a deceptive title because I will take any opportunity that I can to quote one of the greatest philosophers of our time: Homer J. Simpson.

Said semantics involve a commercial for a **coughambulancechasercough** lawyer who does runs during classy daytime fare such as The People’s Court and The Maury Show. Don’t ask me how I know this…because if you do, you’re stupid. Obviously I have no standards when it comes to watching TV.

Usually, such a commercial wouldn’t stand out because there are SO MANY of them (yet they’re still less annoying than that stupid Everest commercial with that stupid hoodrat in his stupid sideways baseball cap browbeating and insulting the intelligence of his viewers to get us to go to his stupid school PUT TOGETHER), but this one in particular really caught my notice.

Read the rest of this entry »


“I work too hard to be ballin’ on a budget.”

 

Um, ‘scuse me, Mr. Brown, but a lot of us work too hard to be ballin’ on a budget. We would love to not be ballin’ on a budget. We just don’t make the money that you do. Just because you make tons more money than the average individual, doesn’t mean that they don’t work just as hard – if not harder – than you do. The amount of money you make doesn’t always correlate with how hard you work.

So maybe you should be singing “I make too much cash to be ballin’ on a budget” instead, because the phrase you’re currently using is a huge insult to the people who do not happen to work in the entertainment industry and do not get to enjoy the same lifestyle as you do.  While you believe that it’s your right  – and that it’s a priority – to have bottle service at a club, the rest of us are just lucky to clear our bills every month and, oh yeah, have a meal or two per day.

But you take a load off hun, because our hearts bleed for how hard you work; we empathize, ’cause the rest of us have it sooo easy.


Kontroversy.

Dear Entertainment Tonight,

This is the meaning of controversy:


Therefore, the fact that Kim Kardashian’s new husband, Kris Humphries, is absent from the cover of the below:

…does not qualify as one. I know your show contains no sense of authentic journalism, but you could at least have a basic command of the English language. And when Wikipedia is more accurate than you are? Dude. 

ETA: Now this qualifies as a controversy. And I hope that he wins and blows everyone the fuck away.


Well, Fuck You Too, Asshole!

So I’m not a real writer because I blog? How the fuck does that make sense? So then tell me, in which medium does a “real writer” produce their work? Only if they’re published? Well gee, lemme just drop my manuscript off to the next publisher, ’cause it’s easier to get a book deal than it is to get the morning after pill. ‘Cause only real writers get published.

There’s someone I’d like you to meet, douchebag. His name is Marshall McLuhan. Maybe you can get your head outta your ass long enough to introduce yourself, and I’ll go back to crying tears over the fact that you think my blog is shitty, and that I don’t have the respect of a person I’ve never met, and frankly, don’t want to meet.

And also: kiss my black ass. Bye!

ETA:  There’s a function on WordPress now where with each post you publish, they suggest tags and categories for you to use based on some of the words in your post. Well this is what I got after publishing the one you see before you:

I’m totally adding a “black ass” category.