It’s Beyond My Control. It’s Beyond My Control. It’s Beyond My Control.

Call me Victome de Valmont, because this is what I keep repeating every time I look at this blog. I don’t even know what it’s about anymore. It started off as a self-motivating vehicle to write more often, to actually complete a story once in a while.

Then I started including book reviews, and segments like “Stranger Than Fiction” and “Curse of the Avid Reader Card“, then started posting about words or phrases that got on my nerves, and now it’s seemed to have kinda spiralled out of control. That’s why I named it (after multiple changes) Prose Nylund. It was becoming more than just about my stories; it started to be about my relationship with words and word related topics. And that’s ALL I’ve had a relationship with lately. That is, unless wine counts.

In all seriousness, I have no idea what’s going on. I still want to post my fiction, but I also like posting about the books I’ve read, ranting about the abuse of the English language, and relaying funny little stories that are too crazy to be true but they are. In my “About” section (which needless to say, is about to change) there’s a tidy little description detailing the mission of my blog, but it is so way off. On second glance, maybe not. Anyway, I guess you could say that Prose Nylund has evolved in its two years of existence. Unfortunately, I have not evolved in the however years long I’ve been on this planet.

So what’s it all about, Alfie? For now, let’s say it’s about, in the, er, words of Hamlet, words, words, words. That, in the very least, will be consistent.


Curse Of The Avid Reader Card: An Introduction

I’ve decided to start a segment where I will be posting links to stories on other blogs and websites with related topics such as upcoming books, book reviews, and advice from seasoned writers.

The reason why I’m calling this brand-new segment Curse of The Avid Reader Card is because I’m paying homage to the annoying-as-shit discount card that the management of the bookstore where I worked many moons ago treated like the Messiah, and therefore, practically jammed a gun into the ribs of their employees to sell it to most customers who clearly had no use for it. (Of course, you can expect to read about the drama of that situation in another post, most likely a fictional account featuring Stacey.) Anyway, why would I want to lend tribute to something I hated so much? Because I’m a head case, duh.

Expect the first post with the first set of links super shortly!

Down With OPB: I’ve Been Cheating…

…on my reading list!

Scandalous, I know.

It’s my damn Kobo eReader. It makes it too easy to bankrupt yourself because it’s too easy to download (almost) any book without leaving your bed! It goes straight to your account! I know I should exercise some self-control, but I have none. Oh well – if I go broke and become homeless, I’ll have a shit load of things to read!

…of course until my eReader needs charging.

Anyway, another problem that my trigger-happy downloading finger has caused is to neglect my winter reading list. I probably would have finished it if it hadn’t been for the following. Please hold your laughter at some of the following titles until after you’ve read it through.

Everybody Say Amen – ReShonda Tate Billingsley

Say Amen Again – ReShonda Tate Billingsley

Trading Up – Candace Bushnell

The Pact – Jodi Picoult

Recalculating: An eShort StoryJennifer Weiner

The Half-Life: An eShort StoryJennifer Weiner

Sleeping Arrangements – Madeleine Wickham

The Gatecrasher Madeleine Wickham

Edited May 12, 2012 Okay, fine. Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy – E.L. James. Happy?! Now I’m going to kill myself for admitting this on the goddamned Internet. After I write a fabulously snarky review of it to post here, that is, because despite the hype, the books suck. Just like the protag- sorry. She also swall- sorry again.

I’m going to try to stay faithful to my spring reading list, but let me tell you: it’s gonna be hard, ’cause I still have a lot of books in my Kobo’s queue. I’ll try to try.

Down With OPB: Spring Reading

1. White Tiger – Aravind Adaiga – moved to Summer Reads 2012

2. Surfacing – Margaret Atwood – moved to Summer Reads 2012

3. Spoiled – Heather Cocks & Jessica Morgan (the Fug Girls!)

4. Wild Stars Seeking Midnight – J. California Cooper – moved to Summer Reads 2012

5. My Soul To Keep – Tananarive Due – moved to Summer Reads 2012

6. Joplin’s Ghost – Tananarive Due – moved to Summer Reads 2012

7. A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty – Joshilyn Jackson

8. Video Cowboys – Yolanda Joe

9. Silver Sparrow – Tayari Jones

10. The Emperor’s Children Claire Messud – moved to Summer Reads 2012

11. Twilight -Stephenie Meyer (SHUT UP; I’m reading it ironically, I SWEAR!!!) – moved to Summer Reads 2012

12. What Alice Forgot – Liane Moriarty

13.  The Upper Room – Mary Monroe – moved to Summer Reads 2012

14. I’ll Take You There – Joyce Carol Oates – moved to Summer Reads 2012

15. The Collector of Hearts – Joyce Carol Oates – moved to Summer Reads 2012

16. Lone Wolf – Jodi Picot

17. A Shore Thing – Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (SHUT UP! I’m reading it ironically, I SWEAR!!!) – moved to Summer Reads 2012

18. 666 Park Avenue – Gabrielle Pierce

19. Sex Wars – Marge Piercy – moved to Summer Reads 2012

20. Small Sacrifices – Ann Rule – moved to Summer Reads 2012

21. Some Sing, Some Cry – Ntzoake Shange (with Ifa Bayeza) – moved to Summer Reads 2012

22. On a Day Like This – Peter Stamm – moved to Summer Reads 2012

23. Nervous – Zane

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I hate to do this – especially after I promised to write more frequently and finish The Bitches, and because my posting has been very sporadic lately – but I need to take some time off to focus on other things that need my immediate attention.  I hope to be back as soon as everything is taken care of. (I will, however, will be updating my Reading Wonderland list, which really isn’t that interesting but it’s all I can give right now.)

I’m probably being a pompous ass for thinking that anyone is going to miss my silly ol’ blog.  Judging from the page views of late, it ought to have a tumbleweed running right across it.


Hopefully sooner than later!

Less Bitchin’, More Fiction

Once again, I’ve neglected this blog for a long period of time due to life changes, procrastination, etc., etc. – the usual round of excuses I come up with every time I address my long absences. I mean, I started this blog to write more frequently, not to publicize my excuses.

I haven’t been happy with the direction this blog has taken: too much writing about not writing. And though I’ve added segments such as Down With OPB and Stranger Than Fiction, I still would like the main focus to be my own writing, my original fiction.

I mean when’s the last time I’ve published a long fiction piece on here? Donkey years, yo.

So instead of focusing on the things I planned on doing, such as that CBC Short Fiction Contest I swore up and down that I’d do, NaNoWriMo and writing a short story for every single holiday, let’s focus on the stuff I that I’m going to do.

Such as finish The Bitches.

You heard right: I’mma finally finish this series that really was supposed to be, like, 1000-words, instead of 30,000 or whatever. Right now I am working on Part 11, a portion of which I wrote last fall, believe it or not. Hope y’all are still on board with me, ’cause I’ve been writing this thing since last March, y’all.

So – and this time I mean it – I will not post another thing until The Bitches are finished. After that, I’m going to keep this blog more about fiction and less about why I haven’t been writing it. While I will still include other segments such as the aforementioned, they will be far and few between.

Meaning less posts like the one I’m posting at this moment! Would that be considered irony? Of course it is; I know the meaning of irony, for Chrissakes! I’m a writer (kinda)! I’ve got an English degree! And I’m a lover of Shakespeare!

Unlike Alanis Morissette, who wouldn’t know irony if it showed up in the form of Dave Coulier.

Johnny Cage and The Assless Chaps, featuring Colette

Last year  I started the segment “It’s A Jolly Holiday“, wherein I intended to write a short story for every holiday. At first I fulfilled that promise – albeit, not always on the exact date of the holiday – but then fell off in a big way. But judging from my track record, is this really a surprise?

(More on that later.)

Regardless, I’m gonna try again. Hope I can stick to it this time! To kick things off – slightly late, of course – is my story for New Year’s. It’s a little unusual though, ’cause the story has nothing to do with New Year’s, except for the fact that it was written on New Year’s Day by three really bored people who were too lazy to venture outside.

Yes, that’s right: it was a collaborative effort: the “you write one line, then I write the next line, etc.”  Try to guess which ones I wrote.

Disclaimer: if you can’t tell by the title of this post, this story went downhill fast, mostly thanks to the mention of assess chaps, natch. Simply put: this story is a hot mess, and I should be too embarrassed to post this, but whatevs; I’m still bored.

Sad that this is considered as excitement in my life.

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