Down With OPB: Sweeeet.

Yes, I know the title of this post is lame as shit. But so’s the name of Lauren Conrad’s third novel in her L.A. Candy trilogy. I mean, Sugar and Spice? L.C. probably didn’t come up with the title of this book herself (or the words beyond the cover) but yeesh. It looks like they were REALLY scraping at the bottom of the barrel when they came up with this stinker, trying to keep up with the whole “Candy” theme. But I can actually sympathize: in ad school, we’d often have to do three-shot campaigns for our portfolios; the first two headlines (at least for me) would always be the strongest while the third…eh.

Anyway, I know that it’s surprising that I’m posting about another Lauren Conrad novel, despite the fact that they kill my brain. But it’s the third and final one; I soooo didn’t wanna be left hanging. Not saying that this didn’t kill my brain either; it almost totally annihilated what hasn’t been destroyed by alcohol. Actually, it was worse than the first two: boring and unnecessary. It was quite the struggle to get through. Even if the predecessors were mindless junk, they were more entertaining. This one – ugh – was such a struggle to get through. I will say that the most interesting thing about this trilogy is getting insight onto how reality TV works, and I gotta say, if what’s written here is accurate, they’d have to pay me about 10 trillion dollars an episode for me to put up with that shit. And it’s also fun trying to figure out which character is which from The Hills. L.C. even “wrote” her alter ego, Jane, just as vanilla as she appears to be in real life.

But despite the fact that I found this book the worst…I also found it the best. Why?

Because at the end of the novel, the heroine ENDS UP SINGLE. And HAPPY. In a CHICK LIT BOOK.

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55 Word Short Stories: Time of Your Life (Good Riddance).

The doctor’s has just left the hospital room after giving them the bad news: the cancer has spread; it’s too late.

Roberta clutches the older woman’s frail hand to her chest, sobbing.

“Oh, don’t cry for me,” Roberta’s mother says weakly but consolably. “I’ve had the best 10 years of my life since your father died.”

55 Word Short Stories: Foul!

“Fuck!” yells Maizy from her high chair, banging her sippy cup on its arm.

The Andersons gasp in unison. “We never use that word – where’d she learn it?” says mom to dad.

The Leafs lose again!” The announcement comes from the television in the living room and blares into the kitchen.

“Fuck!” yells Maizy’s grandmother.

Dis Weird, Yo.

So I was casually checking my site stats (which I do every once in a while and not every hour on the hour) when I noticed a strange trend of late. Apparently, my most popular post is my shortest one – 33 words, to be exact – about Lauren Conrad’s novel(s) and how they affect my brain.

There’s been 12 views this week so far, not because of the actual content, but rather one of the pictures it includes: a flatline, if you’re to believe the keywords used to find it: flatline, flatline pictures, flatlinr.

I’m trying to figure out what the deal is here. Maybe there’s some kind of school project going on involving flatline/flatline pictures? It’s mystifying. Especially when I tried Googling these very words myself to see if I could find my blog but gave up after quite a few pages.

Yeah. I dunno what I’m even trying to say right now because I have no clue as to why this mini-phenomenon is happening. Or why the people/person looking for flatline/flatline pictures click on the link to my blog. And keep clicking on it three times a day. Though one of the searches the other day indicated that someone used the flatline picture on that post (about which I don’t care since I totally pulled the picture off Google.)

The only exception: the person who found this post via the keywords “‘gotta toothache’ song lyric.”

Interesting, I know.

Aaaaaand with that fascinating piece of news, I will get back to the fiction I’m still working on to prevent myself from ever writing a post like this again. Sorry….it so sounded more interesting in my head that it does on the web…

GAH. And just as I finished this post yet another search for the same damn thing was made. What in the name of cheese and crackers is goin’ on?!