Books of Summer 2012: The List That Never Ends

Currently reading: Messy – Heather Cocks & Jessica Morgan

You know the drill. If you don’t, click here. If you don’t know the drill, but you don’t care, don’t click there. If you know the drill but you don’t care, I don’t blame you, because I’ve stopped caring too. I mean, I obviously somewhat care because I’ve been doing this list for a full year now…okay, let’s just say I’m apathetic at best…which is the reason why I’ve yet to finish this list once and for all!

Okay. Let’s move on, shall we?

List of books under the cut.

Update: Instead of the usual reviews, I will be liveblogging my way through each book on Tumblr

Update #2: June 23, 2012. Won’t be doing a liveblog after all; it takes up a lot of time. If I had just a few books to read, I would, but I have over twenty books to go through, so reading them and blogging about them will take about twice the time. Instead, I will just do as usual and just do a review for each after I’ve read them. 

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Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous, Part 4: Very Unnecessary

(For background on this post, read parts 1, 2, 3, 3 1/2)

Mercifully, I have come to the last post in my series of, to be frank, bashing this poor woman’s novel (well, she’s not poor, inexplicably, she’s a millionaire). I despise the word “hater”with a passion (I guess you could say I hate it *rimshot*) not only because it’s overused, but because it’s usually used incorrectly: to describe a person who dares to have a difference of opinion from the masses. However, I think I’m actually behaving as a hater – sorry, I still have to shudder ’cause I’m using that word – when it comes to writing these posts. So maybe I should be worried about karma biting me in the ass, that once I publish a novel, some foul-mouthed, sarcastic drunk will tear it apart on her little blog that gets less than twelve views on a good day. But since you and I both know the Kardashians will become disinterested in the spotlight before I publish a novel, so I don’t have to worry!

With that being said, on with this post.

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Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous Part 3 1/2: Three’s Company

This was supposed to be a part of my last post about this book, but I rambled it went on for so long that I decided to make it a post on its own. Hence the “3 1/2”. Not very clever, at least not as clever as The Naked Gun 33 1/3. God I loved those movies.

What was I saying?

Oh yes.

So far, I’ve been drinking a big glass of haterade in regards to Zane’s novel, Nervous, intending to refute several claims on the Internet that she is a “talented writer”. So far I’ve covered how the implausibility of the sex scenes (yes, even for porn erotic fiction)  and poorly plotted romance defy such a theory, as well as the multitude of contrivances throughout the novel. As I explained above, this post is a continuation of the most recent one. It involves Multiple Personality Disorder victim – and our dear protagonist – Jonquinette Pierce. As far as she knows, she has only one other persona, the very promiscuous Jude. But she was wrong.

DEAD WRONG.

(Explicit content from here on in. Reader discretion advised.)

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Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous, Part 3: Contrived Bullshit

“That was a well-plotted piece of non claptrap that never made me want to retch.”

So far I’ve covered how the sex scenes and romance plot in Zane’s novel, Nervous, make for a poorly-executed read. Now, I’m going to discuss the contrivances in the novel, some which also include the aforementioned themes I discussed in the first two posts. Just getting that out of the way so it doesn’t seem like I’m repeating myself.

It’s that I don’t expect any part in any novel not to be contrived; it’s very hard to emulate real life without boring the reader or stalling the plot. That being said, these contrivances shouldn’t be as frequent and as glaring as they are in this book. They’re obviously in place to rush the plot along, but they much too quickly, and tend to suck up the realism and authenticity one is looking for when they’re reading porn erotic fiction.

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Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous, Part 2: Abuse Of The Romantic Comedy Manual

Warning: this post contains explicit content. 

Here’s Part 2 of my review of Zane’s novel, Nervous. If you haven’t read Part 1, click here!

The Romance

You know, it’s really okay if a female protagonist doesn’t have a man at the end of a book. Really, really okay. She can still have a happy ending if she’s single, I promise. But. If you insist on her having a romantic interest and living happily ever after, at least make the romance somewhere in the realm of reality, for the love of God.

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Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous, Part 1: The Sex *Updated with more sex!*

Normally I don’t post reviews of the books from my seasonal reading lists (a.k.a. getting through the library books I’ve had for TWO YEARS) on my main blog, but a separate page. But sometimes, if one of these books affect me in a major way – be it negatively or positively – I will, on occasion, post it on my main blog.

Nervous, by Zane, is one of these books.

Keep in mind that my reading tastes are eclectic – and that they always weren’t. When I started high school, I was an avid reader of Danielle Steel and the like, but, by the time I graduated, I was into more serious fare, such as Toni Morrison and Margaret Atwood and thusly turned up my nose at Danielle Steel and the like.

(I really do a lot of Danielle Steel bashing on this site, don’t I? I’m sure she’s drying her tears with her millions of dollars. Regardless: you’re next, Fifty Shades lady!)

Anyway, I went through a period where I would only read “literary” novels. Then I got over it. Now I’ll read anything that’ll tickle my fancy. While I haven’t completely abandoned serious literature, I won’t turn down a good trashy read, though my preference, is something that is, sometimes, a fine line in between: mainstream fiction, which can be surprisingly well written. And, furthermore…

All right, all right, I’ll be straight with you – the reason for this long-winded premise is to justify the fact that I just read porn. (So be warned – there’s explicit content from here on in.)

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