Down With OPB: Why “Nervous” Makes Me Nervous, Part 2: Abuse Of The Romantic Comedy Manual

Warning: this post contains explicit content. 

Here’s Part 2 of my review of Zane’s novel, Nervous. If you haven’t read Part 1, click here!

The Romance

You know, it’s really okay if a female protagonist doesn’t have a man at the end of a book. Really, really okay. She can still have a happy ending if she’s single, I promise. But. If you insist on her having a romantic interest and living happily ever after, at least make the romance somewhere in the realm of reality, for the love of God.

Jonquinette meets Mason Copeland at the very moment his belongings are being moved into the building where she lives. She’s attracted to him right away, because he’s cute, and that’s normal. He seems attracted to her too, because she’s beautiful, and that would be normal, if he didn’t come off as so desperate. When Jonquinette slyly tries finding out his relationship status but asking about his wife, Desperado responds, “‘Wife? No, I’m single….Single and extremely available and accessible.'” Who says that? Just saying ‘single’ would’ve sufficed. Jeez. But it doesn’t end there.

‘Well, with all the female singles around here, you won’t be for long.’

‘Are you one of the female singles around here?’

I couldn’t prevent the blush. ‘Um, yes. I guess so.’


‘Jonquinette Pierce.’

‘Jonquinette Pierce. Beautiful name for a beautiful lady.’

First of all, beautiful name? I don’t think so. Second of all, what a cheesy thing to say. Thirdly: SLOW DOWN THERE COWBOY.

Believe it or not, it gets worse.

‘Maybe you can help me get settled in. Aren’t neighbours supposed to  greet newbies with a pound cake, or a pecan pie, or something?’

I giggled. ‘I’m not a baker. I can’t even make toast without burning it.’

He frowned and then laughed. ‘There’s always store bought.’

Seriously dude. Dial it down a notch. You’ve just met her. But instead, Desperado shows up at her door with a pie a week later.

As soon as I opened the door, he winked at me. ‘Is this the apartment of a female single? I hear there are a lot of them around here.’

I fought to suppress a laugh. ‘Um, yeah. I’m a female single.’

‘Good. I thought I might have the wrong place for a second and I wouldn’t want to get attacked by a jealous husband or boyfriend.’

‘Well, I don’t have one of those either.’

‘My lucky day.’

‘So, how do you like your new place?’

‘It’s okay…Since I waited around for a week for the welcoming committee to grace me with a pie and no one showed up, I figured I might as well break tradition and welcome myself.’

Oh my goodness! Did he really expect me to bring him sweets?

‘I apologize,’ I said sincerely. ‘If I’d known that you really anticipated me getting you something, I would have.’

He chuckled. ‘I’m just kidding with you, Jonquinette. I’ll be honest. I wanted to see you again and I haven’t been able to catch you in the hallway so I decided to come up here grovelling for attention instead.’

At least Desperado admits to being desperate. Though he could’ve just saved time by wearing a t-shirt that says, you know, I’M DESPERATE. And maybe on the back of that shirt, it should say, AND CREEPY, because, he’s, you know, creepy.

I…headed toward the kitchen…I felt someone behind me and jerked around. Mason was standing there.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, Jonquinette.’

Um, how the eff did you expect her not to be startled when you’re practically breathing down the back of her neck?

Instead of taking the freaking hint, Desperado gets closer.

‘I was just going to cut the pie. It looks delicious. Would you like a piece?’

‘Absolutely. That pie cost me about ten bucks.’

We both laughed.

‘I didn’t want to get you one of those cheap pies from the grocery store so I went to a bonafide bakery.’

The man was determined to make me blush. ‘I feel so special.’

He took his index finger and moved a tress of hair out of my face. ‘You are special. I can see that already.’

Sure you can. After your second official face-to-face meeting with her during which you follow her around like a puppy dog and exchange awkward banter. Also, hands off buddy. YOU’VE. JUST. MET. HER.

But because poor Jonny is inexperienced with receiving male attention (though really anyone would be uncomfortable with Desperado practically smothering them) so she makes up a story about having to meet up with someone. And when she kindly offers to give Desperado take a piece of pie with him, he whines “‘I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.'” OH CALM DOWN. Maybe if you didn’t act so needy you wouldn’t scare her off. And besides, she has no obligation to entertain you since you’re not dating her, and, oh yeah, YOU’VE JUST MET HER.

Desperado refuses to give up though; he tapes a letter to Jonquinette’s door, inviting her to  his friend’s wedding. (And if you’re thinking that it’s the same wedding that Darnetta also invited her too, you win The Lottery of Utter Contrivances in This Novel! Ding, ding ding!) I mean, really, dude? You don’t bring someone you’ve just met to a wedding. That’s serious girlfriend territory! Everyone knows that! You haven’t even been on so much as a date with her! What’s wrong with you? Too bad Jude is the one to see the letter, which she promptly rips up, and for once, I applaud her decision. While she does so out of her hatred for Jonny and to block anything that might make her happy, it really should have been done to save her from this clingy bastard.

Of course, that doesn’t stop Desperado, because the next thing you know he’s taped another note to her door asking her if Jonny’s changed her mind. Jesus Murphy, dude. I would have taken a red crayon, written “GET LOST” over the note and taped it to his door. But instead of being repulsed by his pushiness, Jonny laments that she “had finally found a man that I was somewhat interested in, at least I wanted to get to know him better, and I was too messed up in the head to even deal with the situation.” Um, sweetie, even with your split personality, he’s the one that’s messed in the head! Instead of responding to his invite, Jonny masturbates herself to sleep while thinking of him.

Flash forward to the wedding and of course you-know-who is there. They dance together and Desperado presses his cheek to hers, which makes her practically faint. Then “I could feel his dick pressing up against me, and that felt wonderful.” Sure, it’s awesome when a virtual stranger rubs his hard-on you. But maybe I shouldn’t be too hard-on him (sorry), I mean, sometimes that shit happens.

Soon, they are interrupted by a friend of Desperado’s: Smitty, who is about to leave and wants to say his farewell. When Desperado introduces them, Smitty replies, “‘Jonquinette, your neighbour?…Aw, so she ended up at the wedding anyway. I can see why Mason is so taken with you.'”

You mean after one-and-a-half meetings? None of which included a real date? And you’re already talking to your friends about her? Okey dokey, smokey! Of course, this doesn’t creep out Jonny at all; she thinks this is just great. But you gotta forgive our girl, because she doesn’t have much experience with men and therefore can’t tell when they’re being freaking needy. Jonny honey, please acquaint yourself with this phrase: Too much, too soon.

When Desperado has to go off with Smitty for a bit, probably to wax poetic about the woman he’s known for the equivalent of twenty minutes, “he pulled me to him and brushed his lips across mine. ‘I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.'” (Yes, sir! Right after I invest in some pepper spray and a Taser.)

Except she did go somewhere, after becoming Jude and having her way with Darnetta’s man, and kinda sorta abandons Desperado. So of course, he’s banging down the door. And if you think you haven’t seen desperate, well b-b-b-baby you-you-you ain’t seen n-n-n-nothin’ yet. (What? I can’t quote Bachman Turner Overdrive? I’m Canadian!) Keep in mind, this occurs at two in the morning, right after the wedding when Jude turns back into Jonquinette. Poor Jonny wakes up in her apartment having no memory of leaving the wedding and getting home (and certainly having no memory of sleeping with her co-worker’s boyfriend) when she hears a knock at her door. Guess who? “‘Jonquinette, I know you’re home.'” But Jonny begs off, telling him it’s late and they can talk tomorrow, you know, like normal people. Of course this does nothing to deter Desperado; he wants to make sure that she’s okay because he heard she wasn’t ‘feeling well.’ She assures him she’s fine, but that’s not good enough for him.

Let’s review the meetings between these two:

1. The first time he moved in. Their conversation lasts less than five minutes.

2. When he brought a pie to her house, where they have another brief conversation during which he sneaks up behind her and caresses her hair.

3. At the wedding they just attended, where he pressed his boner onto her thigh.

You’ll understand my need to recap when you read the below.

I glanced through my peephole again and noticed he was still standing there staring at my door. He took a deep breath, started to walk away, and then hesitated. ‘Jonquinette, can you just open the door for one second? I’d feel a lot better if I could just see you. It’ll give me peace of mind.’

I decided there was nothing to lose. [Author’s Note: Really? Really? You’ve JUST MET HIM and you’re going to let him in your apartment at two in the morning after he made it clear on the dance floor that he’s sexually attracted to you?!] After fingering my hair and straightening up my robe, I inched the door open. ‘See, I’m fine, Mason.’

He chuckled. ‘It would help me out if I could see more than your eyeballs.’

I opened the door completely. ‘Is this better?’

He eyed me up and down and I tightened my robe around my chest.

‘Definitely better. Well, you look okay,’ he said. He touched my forehead with his palm. No fever. Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?’

‘I’m sure. It was a long day and I just overdid it sone. I have a history of anemia and my iron is  probably low. I forgot to take my tablet earlier.’

Mason took me completely off guard by grabbing me into his arms and kissing me. He slipped his tongue into my mouth…

Yeah. The mention of medication makes me SO HOT, too. Seriously, Desperado. If the girl says she’s fine, she’s fine. Usually when someone says they’re not feeling well, there’s no need to be that concerned and talk about going to the doctor. What if she’d had bad gas and was too embarrassed to tell you? Ugh – why waste energy complaining when we all know why he kept banging down her door, because, as their kiss continues, he grabs her breast and she freaks out. “I manuevered myself away from him. ‘I’m sorry, Mason. I can’t do this.’ He grinned at me and said, ‘I didn’t mean to rush you. We can take our time getting to know each other.'”

THANK. YOU. Maybe there’s hope for Desperado, after all. Still doesn’t make me like him much. Then he offers to take her out on a real date. Well, finally, dude! Except he still can’t act somewhat like a normal person without still being creepy when he qualifies the date as “‘one where we actually leave here together and come back here together.'” How presumptuous, Desperado. You couldn’t get booty from someone who’s healthy, who, just a moment ago, you were so concerned about. Who tries to fuck a sick person? Second, this just makes it sound like you’re just taking her on this date so you can go through the motions and get booty, because you’ll probably pay for dinner and think it’s a fair exchange. Harrumph.

Desperado arrives for the date at seven on the dot. Of course he does. He probably woke up that morning, dressed for the date, and then sat on the couch until it was time. But Jonny’s apprehensive, so she asks him to come in so she can “‘talk about something important with you.’ ‘No, no, no,’ Mason said…’Don’t do this to me again, Jonquinette. Don’t cancel on our date.'” Oh, calm down, son.

So Jonny goes on to vaguely tell him that she has more issues than People magazine, but of course that doesn’t drive him away. At this point, she could pull down her pants, squat, and take a dump right in front of him on her carpet and he’d think she’s still just swell.

‘Jonquinette, I don’t profess to be some sort of saint. I’ve had troubled relationships in my past. I’m not about to give up on finding Ms. Right, though. Life is short and intend to share mine with someone.’

‘So you’re looking for a serious relationship,’ I asked…

‘Eventually,’ he responded…’I won’t lie to you or attempt to deceive you. No one knows where something might lead. But, I’m at the point in my life where I could see myself settling down with my soul mate…I’m only being persistent with you because I have a feeling that you might be her.’

Really? You haven’t had a real date or much of a real conversation before, and you were persistent with her from the moment you met her, so how is it possible that you had a feeling she was your soulmate when you ran into her as you were moving in? And you’ve totally lost points by using the following cliches: “Ms. Right” “Life is short” and “soulmate.”

During their date, Desperado asks Jonny several questions about her life (yeah, she may be your soulmate, but you don’t even know where she works) and when he asks her about any hobbies, she draws a blank, and he promises to take her to plays and museums, etc., because “‘We can’t have you hiding out in your apartment, missing out on the finer things.'” How did he know I hid out in my apartment?” Because he’s a STALKER, dude.

‘This is what we’re going to do. Within the next month, I’m going to take you to at least one movie, one play, and one museum. Deal?’

‘Deal…Thank you.’

‘There’s no need to thank me. Thank you for agreeing to spend at least three more evenings with me.’

I’ll just leave this right here.

They go back to her apartment and, while making out, he slips his hand into her panties (see what I mean) but she stops him. Dude, from now on, how about asking her first before you start putting your hands in the “bathing suit” places. Especially when you’ve just come from your first date. Personally, if a guy I just had one date with tried sticking his hand in my pants, he’d lose an eye. Or possibly a penis. Not that there’s anything wrong with going all the way on the first date, if that’s your fancy. But for God’s sake, know your audience! The first time he touched her in a intimate place, she clearly wasn’t into it, and clearly nervous about being somewhat intimate, so you’d think Desperado would pick up on that cue. I honestly don’t know why Jonny is still putting up with him at this point. I really don’t.

The next time they meet, Desperado encounters Jude for the first time, after she returns from North Carolina, where she was visiting her estranged father. Apparently he missed her so much that he yells for her through her apartment door. I’m really starting to consider him crazier than Jude, who thinks, “Enough of this motherfucker…Time to put the little puppy out of his misery.” Even though Jude is supposed to be a sociopath, what she’s saying is spot on, because this guy IS a little puppy dog, and yes, enough already indeed!

Also, her flinging open the door and snarling “What do you want?” is apropos, because who stands outside someone’s door screaming their name? When she tells him to “get to stepping” (sigh) and tries to close the door in his face, he blocks it with his hand! Talk about aggressive. This guy won’t take no for an answer, so I don’t blame Jude for trying to get rid of his ass. While her motives may be different for doing so – she doesn’t want Jonquinette to have anything that will make her happy – I’m okay for the end justifying the means, since this guy is way too “up in her grill.” (Well, if Jude can use terrible, outdated lingo such as “get to stepping”, then I can, too!)

Since he won’t be driven away, Jude decides the best way to get rid of him is for them to have sex, so he “can move on to your next victim”, to which he responds “I don’t consider women to be victims.” Barf.  I appreciate the sentiment, but this is the author’s attempt to paint this guy as the Perfect Prince Charming, which is further executed when he refuses to have sex with Jude, even though its obvious he’s turned on. He’s the only guy in the novel who refuses Jude’s sexual advances, so of course that makes him The One.

Jude tries hard to seal the deal, but to no avail. When he says Jude’s behaviour is unlike her (of course, not knowing that it’s Jude), she tells him that it is like her, and that she’s a “major whore”. Yet he still. won’t. give. up, countering her claim by saying “‘For some reason you’re trying to push me out of your life but it’s not going to be that easy. I won’t go away without a fight.'” Based on his past behaviour, I’d see that as a major threat and call the cops on him. Or pull out some kung-fu shit on his ass. Jude tries shutting him down, telling him that their relationship will never become more than fucking, but that doesn’t stop him either. At this point I think nothing short of a silver bullet will get rid of this man, for the love of cheese and crackers. “He turned and stared me in the eyes. ‘This is already more than that. You and I both know it.'” You mean after one date? And women are always accused of moving too fast.

Again – even though Jude’s “sentiments” are coming from a bad place – I wanna high-five her when she thinks “He was really laying it on thick! You would have thought that Jon [her affectionate name for Jonquinette, of course] had fucked him silly by the way he was performing.” I know, right? And the claim that he’s performing? I hope so. I hope all of his neediness is a joke, because if not, he needs to employ the services of Jonny’s psychiatrist, post-haste! Anyway, she tells him “I’m a whore – pure and simple.'” Quoth Desperado: “‘I don’t believe that…I’ll call you tomorrow.'”


Finally, Jude blurts out that she’d slept with Logan at the wedding – who is also Desperado’s friend, by the by – and he responds by stomping down the stairs in anger. Too bad that isn’t the last of him. Desperado obviously does some investigating into Jude’s claim that she’d slept with Logan, because his girlfriend – also Jonny’s co-worker – bursts into her apartment to punch her in the face. From there, Jonny figures out that Desperado knows and defends herself. At first, Desperado wants nothing to do with her – ah! so he does have a limit – but after Jonny explains she has a split personality and that she’s seeing a psychiatrist for it, he is super supportive and promises to be there for her. DAMMIT JONQUINETTE. You ruined everything. You should’ve let him go on about his business, but noooo. And she solidifies his presence in her life by deciding that “Mason was the man for me. The only man for me.” Aside from being Jude, Jonny’s never had a man in her life. She’s only been on one date with Desperado and is too messed up (albeit understandably) to let him get too intimate with him. But she’s already considering him the only man for her? Sure, okay. And this romance isn’t being put on a speeding bullet to ensure that our Jonny has a man at the end of the novel, because how could a novel possibly end without a woman in a relationship! The horrors! You can’t have a happy ending if she’s single.

Now that they’re all coupled up, his second date consists of putting a blindfold on her and taking her up to his apartment for a date that can only be described as ripped from The Romantic Comedy Manual, he outfits his place (which she hasn’t even seen, by the way, even though they live in the same building) with roses to give her a Valentine’s Day date, even though its not Valentine’s Day. His reasoning makes absolutely no sense.

‘I wanted you to know that come what may, I plan to spend  Valentine’s Day with you next year. I’m committed to making this work and I will stand by you, through thick and thin.’

*Throws up hands in disgust*. *Throws up in disgust*

Perfect Prince Charming strikes again. Does the “right things” and says the “right things”. According to The Romantic Comedy Manual, anyway. All this time his behaviour was supposed to be indicative of what an amazing man he is, but, um, no. Because when he’s not being desperate and creepy, he’s being cheesy. First his plan for dinner is to eat backwards. “‘We’re going to start with dessert and work our way back. First, we will have dessert, then the main course, the salad, and finally the appetizer.'” Okay, that’s actually kind of cute and creative. But then Desperado snaps his fingers to reveal that a cooking staff has prepared the meal and we’re right back into contrived bullshit territory (another problem that plagues this novel). Who does he think he is, Victor Newman?


And snapping your fingers at service staff? Talk about a turn off. 

Okay. I think I’m being a tad harsh on this guy… Or maybe not, because refers to the people who he just snapped his fingers at as “the staff.” They have names, yanno. And then comes a really creepy part. When Jonny notices that among the “fine china and crystal” (really, this scene was written as though it were the author’s fantasy date or what she assumes is the fantasy date of women) are no utensils, because

Mason informed me that it was a commonly known fact that food eaten by hand is sexy. I wasn’t going to argue with him and we ended up feeding each other.

Say what? Not only is she not going to argue with him, but she doesn’t even tell us if she agrees that she thinks this act is sexy. Well, it’s a good thing that Jonny is prepared to let Desperado do the thinking for her, because he seems that type of guy to do so.

By the way, the following is what they end up feeding each other. While it has nothing to do with the romance going on here per se, it gives you a taste of some other issues I have with this novel of which I’ll touch on later: innocuous prose and plain bad writing, and the improbability of being able to eat this entire menu by hand, much less feeding it to one another.

We started out with Chocolate Heart Layer Cake with Chocolate-Cinnamon Mousse along with Heart-Shaped Dried Cherry and Chocolate Chip Scones and strawberries sprinkled with sugar and marinated in wine. Then we had Chicken in Red Wine Sauce with Root Vegetables and Wilted Greens followed by Red Leaf Lettuce, Watercress and Cucumber Salad with Buttermilk Dressing. Lastly, we had Skewered Scallops with Orange-Sesame Dipping Sauce as an appetizer.

What Is With The (Somewhat Selective) Capitalized Words? And, really? They hand-fed a salad with buttermilk…I mean, Buttermilk Dressing to one another? I’d buy it if they fed each other just the strawberries, but, yeesh.

The date ripped from The Romantic Comedy Manual continues as he takes her to his place of work just so they can slow dance among the backdrop of the view his office window provides, and feed her, instead of heart-shaped pastry – another cheesy line. As she comments on the city skyline outside his window: “‘I’ve never seen anything this beautiful,'” he answers “‘That makes two of us.'” This is the type of cliched statement that makes me hate romantic comedies. A girl receives a bouquet of flowers and will say “They’re beautiful,” and her suitor will reply, “Not as beautiful as you.” Please retire this line. I’m looking at you, soap opera writers.

Then he suggests that they dance so they can finish the one they were having before they were interrupted at the wedding. Apparently, the song that plays as they slow dance for two hours (at this point I’m convinced this date is happening in Jonny’s dreams, because, really?) includes the lyrics “the sun doesn’t shine without you” because that’s what Desperado sings to her. On their second date.

Then, once back at his apartment, he offers to draw a bath for her. On their second date. When she’s made it clear that she’s uncomfortable with intimacy. Except she’s not worried about how such an advanced move will affect her, but only if she “would measure up.” Poor girl. She consents, and he plays nice guy (though it’s clear what he wants, given that, upon their second meeting, he caressed her hair; during their third meeting, he pressed his erection against her and practically forced a kiss on her, and, on two separate occasions when he touched her in very personal places which caused her to put an abrupt halt to their physical interaction) and says “‘I don’t have to join you. I’ll leave that up to you. I just want to pamper you and make you feel special.”‘ When Jonny tells him that he’s been making her feel as much all night, he replies “‘That’s because I’m in love with you, Jonquinette.'”

On their second date.

Once again, let’s review their interactions so it’s clear how ridiculous his declaration of love to her is.

1. Met when he was moving in. Had a conversation that lasted less than five minutes.

2. He barges into her house with a pie. Their conversation probably cleared five minutes this time.

3. They have a few slow dances at a wedding.

4. He bangs down her door when she’s sick, even when she insists she’s fine, and tries copping a feel.

5. Finally, a first date…at the end of which he tries copping a feel.

6. He runs into Jude the first time, who almost rapes him.

7. He finds out about Jonny’s split personality.

8. Their second date, happening now.

Okay, dude. What-eves. Way to take it slow.

Of course he prepares her a bath with scattered rose petals and candles. Of course he does, because he just read page 50 of The Romantic Comedy Manual: “How To Use  A Completely Cliched Set-Up To Make Yourself Seem Like ‘The Nice Guy’ So You Can Easily Coerce Yourself Into Her Pants.” Think I’m being hard on him now? Take a look at the first line of this passage below.

‘Would you like for me to undress you, Jonquinette?’ he asked me seductively.

‘I-I-I’d like that,’ I finally managed to get out. ‘But only if I can undress you, too.’

I wanted Mason to know that I didn’t want to bathe alone. I needed to be held, caressed. I needed him, and only him, to make love to me. I wanted him to know what it felt like, especially since I had no idea how much time I had before Jude decided tot rid the world of me forever.’

Here I kinda questioned Jonny’s motives as to why she is ready for sex so suddenly when she was so scared of it before, but this could actually be justified. As she said, she’s worried that it might be her last chance to experience what it’s like before Jude may dominate her forever, and Desperado has turned up the Perfect Prince Charming act to the max, which probably helps, too. I’m still kinda cynical, though, and believe her sudden change of heart is to Make This Romance Happen.

‘I want to make love to you tonight.’

He grinned with that incredible smile of his. ‘Then you shall. [‘Shall’? I just shivered. Shades of Christian Grey, anyone?] I would like nothing more.’

Well, DUH. Of course their lovemaking is perfect, because, well, why wouldn’t it be?

‘I’ve waited all my life for this,’ I whispered in his ear.

‘But I need to say something to you first.’

‘What’s that?’

‘I’m in love with you also.’

‘Do you really mean that, Jonquinette?’

“Yes, I do. I really mean it. I never thought I would find love after all these years. I’d given up. You’ve made me believe that anything is possible.’

He kissed me on the lips. ‘Anything is possible.’

Without saying another word to each other, Mason entered me and we made love for the first time. I prayed it wouldn’t be the last.’

Of course, she chooses to declare her love to him right when he asks if she’s ready, “positioning his dick between my legs.” I’m surprised Desperado didn’t get frustrated, given how he’s practically pushed himself on her since he met her. But I can’t help but feel sorry for him; given all the unprotected sex Jonny-as-Jude has had, he’s gonna end up at the free clinic.

Their next date, which happens close to the end of the novel, makes me wonder if Zane’s editor fell asleep at the wheel. It spans an entire chapter and basically describes him taking her all over Atlanta. All of the innocuous moments in this book, it’s the innocuousnest. It does nothing to push the plot forward and only serves to show how happy the newly sexually active couple is. On second thought, it’s purpose is clear: to show how wonderfully wonderful Desperado is, because This Romance Must Happen.

Jonny continues to go to therapy. On one occasion, she brings her parents with her so they can figure out where Jude came from. It’s soon revealed, via a sudden third personality (look for more on this in Part 3 of this review, Contrived Bullshit) that her father had molested her when she was barely a toddler. When she tells Desperado, he cries for her – then comforts her by doing her doggie style.

I…have no comment.

Later, Jonny’s psychiatrist gets a chance to chat with Desperado, and of course, she thinks Perfect Guy is Perfect, because not only must Jonny have a man at the end of the story – because it isn’t enough that she finds out the source of her Multiple Personality Disorder and is able to overcome it – but he has to be without flaws. Here’s a further look at Jonny’s doctor’s view of Desperado in first person.

Mason seemed like a wonderful man and I could see why Jonquinette was so in love with him. Most people would not deal with such a difficult situation, but Mason swore he had no plans to go anywhere. In fact, he told me he one day planned to marry Jonquinette. I encouraged him to put that on hold until she had time to heal. He agreed to wait.

Of course, at the very end of the novel, as Jonquinette indicates, “no” is simply not in this guy’s vocab. “‘Mason and I are still gong strong. He has hinted around about marriage but I’m not ready.'” Jeez, he won’t even listen to a trained professional! Maybe because he needs a trained professional. I except he’ll browbeat Jonny into saying yes – taping notes to her door, bringing her pastries that say “Marry Me” and making her celebrate holidays not on the actual holiday until she says yes.

Or, maybe he’ll do this. (The “fun” starts at 1:33)

Finally, in closing: What the hell is a “female single?” Isn’t it “single female”?

Stay tuned for Part 3!


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